The True Meaning of Forgiveness: A Journey Toward Liberation for BIPOC Communities
By Beyond Limits Mental Health & Wellness
Forgiveness is one of the most misunderstood concepts in the healing journey—especially for those of us in Black, Indigenous, and People of Color (BIPOC) communities who carry not only personal pain, but collective and ancestral trauma. Many of us were taught to “forgive and forget” before we were even allowed to feel or process what happened. But let’s be clear: forgiveness is not approval. It does not mean that what happened was okay, that you’re excusing harm, or that you’re obligated to reconcile.
True forgiveness is a radical act of self-liberation. It’s not about the other person—it’s about your peace, your healing, and your power.
Forgiveness in Wisdom Traditions
Across cultures and wisdom traditions, forgiveness has always been about restoring the self, not just repairing a relationship.
- Ubuntu (Southern African philosophy) teaches us, “I am because we are.” Forgiveness, in this context, restores the humanity of both the harmed and the harmer, without denying accountability.
- Thích Nhất Hạnh, a Vietnamese Buddhist monk and peace activist, spoke of forgiveness as “the capacity to let go of the suffering of the past and to transform it.”
- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a constant attitude.” He framed it as a way to end cycles of hate and reclaim our dignity.
- In Indigenous American teachings, forgiveness is a part of communal healing and ceremony. It restores harmony and spiritual balance—not just for individuals, but for entire tribes and nations.
From these traditions, we see a common thread: forgiveness is sacred work. It’s not weakness. It’s strength wrapped in grace.
What Forgiveness Isn’t
Let’s name it plainly:
- Forgiveness is not forgetting.
- It doesn’t mean staying in toxic relationships.
- It doesn’t mean the pain didn’t happen.
As Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring, a clinical psychologist and author of How Can I Forgive You?, explains, real forgiveness is a process that involves truth-telling, boundary-setting, and self-respect. Especially for those of us carrying generational wounds from racism, colonization, and violence, the journey toward forgiveness must be honest, culturally sensitive, and trauma-informed.
4 Tips on the Journey to Forgiveness
Here are four grounded, soul-nurturing tips for moving toward forgiveness, especially when you’re not there yet:
1. Acknowledge the Harm Without Minimizing It
Before forgiveness is even on the table, we must honor our pain. Naming the violation is a revolutionary act. Journaling, therapy, and culturally grounded rituals can help you witness your own truth.
2. Understand the Impact, Not Just the Intent
You don’t have to excuse someone’s intent to validate the impact their actions had on your mental, emotional, or spiritual well-being. This distinction allows space for grief, anger, and reflection—all valid parts of the process.
3. Release for Yourself, Not for the Offender
Forgiveness is about freeing yourself from the energetic grip of the past. As author and researcher Dr. Fred Luskin from Stanford’s Forgiveness Project puts it, “Forgiveness is for you and not the offender. It helps you get your life back.”
4. Practice Compassion With Boundaries
Forgiveness doesn’t require reconciliation. You can forgive and still choose distance. Compassion can coexist with boundaries. You have the right to protect your peace.
A Word to Our People
To my BIPOC brothers, sisters, and siblings—your pain is real. Your healing is sacred. Forgiveness is not something to be rushed, forced, or spiritualized to bypass real trauma. It is a deeply personal and powerful act of reclamation.
As we forgive—not to forget but to remember differently—we become the living resistance to the cycles of harm. We reclaim our joy, our softness, and our future.
You are worthy of peace.
You are worthy of release.
You are worthy of healing.
